Hilariousness...

Odd Things I Had To Say:
"Did you just wipe your mouth on my hand?"  Monkey and I were watching The Big Bang Theory and we were holding hands.  He said no but I am sure it wasn't a kiss.

Odd Things Jeff Says:

"She is so hot I would crawl two miles over broken glass just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie."  I got nuthin' to say about that one.

"Hell bent for leather."  He said this one twice today so it counts even if it is more common than the others.

"We're gonna wreck shop!"  He says this when we get really turned on.  :)  I like hearing this one.

"Why would you wipe your nose on your brother?"  Until now the oddest thing he has had to say as a parent.  All I can say to that is hold on pardner.  You ain't seen nuthin' yet.'

"It'll make a turd."  OK, I never heard this one before.  The conversation, "What did you pack for your lunch today?"  "That store-bought lasagna."  "Oh, do you like that stuff?"  (pause) "It'll make a turd."  Needless to say I brought him another type of lunch.  I don't know if he ever ate his lasagna but I can guarantee my lunch was a much more pleasant start to the "turd making" experience.

"Well, it's like, I remember having my dad's jackknife and playing in the gut pile when he would butcher."  He grew up on a ranch.  Rancher's kids had different toys than we did.

"I felt like a monkey fucking a football".  He felt too fat for a motorcycle he was test driving for a friend.  And speaking of monkeys fucking footballs, he also says he can't wait till we both lose weight so we can ride together on his triumph.  My only conclusion is that if I were to hop on the machine with him it would simply be a monkey-football-monkey threesome.... but of course I am the better looking monkey.



Odd Things My Grandmother Used To Say:

"On a galloping jackass nobody will notice."  Usually in reference to my grandfather or my father.



Odd Things Jacob Has Said:

"I don't care what you say.  I am NOT going to school in little pants."  His response to handing him a pair of pants that fit perfectly one morning before school.  He wanted to wear some oversized pants that hung off his butt.

"You are such an irresponsible mom!"  Said because I didn't leave a note telling him where I was going when I was taken from our house in an ambulance for chest pains.



Funny Things Frank Said When He Was Little:

"What's a rosealot?"  After he overheard the statement "she sure talks about Rose a lot."

"What's a widetieon?"  After he overheard the statement, "Dick sure has a wide tie on."  Yes, I have a family member named Dick.  Several, in fact.