December 11th
2012 - I started my new blog today. First post... Yay!
December 15th
2012 - It is Jacob's birthday today and I miss him. I love him and want to spend time in his presence. I considered flying to Reno for a day trip on Sunday but it is too close to Christmas. I am thankful for such a beautiful son.
December 16th
2012 - I choose to wear my pink glasses today. 8) I am so tired. I will read Betty MacDonald's "Anybody Can Do Anything" today and rest and laugh as I read. Putting the last minute Christmas stuff off 'till tomorrow. Today is MINE... :) love
2012 - Honorable Mention on 16December 12... I delivered pizza to the neighborhood fire station today. They are going to judge the Christmas Light Contest in our neighborhood today. It was awesome but there were no men lounging around shirtless with boots and hoses. Little bit of a let down.
December 17th
2012 - I made Christmas Shortbread cookies today as soon as I got up. I sampled a couple when they were done and then I stood in front of the refrigerator and drank milk right out of the carton. Yes, I did.
December 18th
2012 - Tough day and Wonderful day... I had a hard day because I was so emotional. Then there was some work friction. But then I found out I get to go to a seminar in Maryland, all expenses paid for my union. I am so happy. Also, and this is the icing, my Love drove over to my work and waited for me in the parking lot because he knew I needed a hug. He tried to call me but my phone was off. We never did meet up but I love that he tried. However, in the future, one word - Doorbell.
December 19th
2012 - I am so proud of my beautiful Laurel. She got 100% on her math test at CWI. She is amazing, intelligent and so beautiful. I love her. Also, the neighbor is coming over to my house for a cookie exchange. I get to hold her newborn baby. Very cool.
December 21st
2012 - Well... I'm still alive. Nanny-boo-hoo-ha-ha to you Mayan calendar.
December 22nd
2012 - I am supposed to meet Shannon from work at Walmart today, in the parking lot to exchange a scarf. I don't have her number. Oh no.. I don't see this ending well. Maybe the Mayans calendar was one day off.
:)
February 8th
2013 - Well, I decided I will take a break from everything for a while. I deactivated my facebook account and I am not going to date for a while. Nothing crazy, I just need time for me. This time of year I always get a wee bit depressed and needy. Seasonal depression perhaps? Well, I am fine but I want to spend my time on things I want to do. That's all.
February 9th
2013 - So, my Jacob called today for several reasons. One of the things he brought up was that Brianna had a miscarriage last month. He went on to tell me that her family has a history of difficult pregnancies. I am sorry for them and for the wee bairn. I am a firm believer in the eternal existence of souls so I do not mourn this as a death but I am saddened by the frailty of life. It makes me feel like sometimes our lives and love just slips through our fingers so fast. So much of what we care about happens without our knowledge. I loved that baby. I love Jake and Brianna. I will keep my heart open for more love. ... in his usual way, Jake helped me out with that. I asked him right before he was ready to hang up if he and Brianna were trying to have a baby. He said with an incredulous tone, "No, I can't afford a baby right now." So I mentioned the fact that she was pregnant last month to which he replied, "Shit happens." ... yes, shit does happen.... all the time... and for some reason I thank God for all the shit too. :)
2015- I am out of work on a medical leave for my depression. I can honestly say that today I feel a bit better. I "almost" feel like doing something. ...yeah ...sigh
February 10th
2013 - Laurel sent me a text about wee little Zion. He said, "Yeehaw! The cowboy says moo!" I guess he is still a little fuzzy about his compound words. How cute is that? This kid has my heart. I get to see him today. I am excited.
2015 - Today I feel so thankful that when I wear Jeff's shoes out to the woodshed I look ridiculous because they are so big and sloppy. I love my big, tall, husband.
February 14th
2014 - Jeff got down on his knees today in the mud and the rain and asked me to be his. I said yes and accepted his beautiful ring. Then we kissed and made love in his pickup on a country road just like a couple of teenagers. My friend Jim describes this as the perfect combination of Romance and Sluttiness, which by the way, is the foundation for our relationship. :)
February 16th
2014 - Today is my first Sunday morning as a woman engaged to Jeff. I anticipate so many good things and so many ways to show my love for him. :)
February 19th
2014 - Oh, what a day. I saw Jeff and we spent some time together having a car picnic. I used a little picnic pack that Taylor and Laurel gave me for Christmas one year that had cloth napkins. We had a good time together today. I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the beauty of my ring and the beauty of what it says about the way he feels about me. Honestly, I cannot wait until we move in together so I can show him with my words and my deeds how much I love him and how well I want to take care of him and the kids. I can hardly wait to have that family time together with his kids, my kids and grand children and friends every week. I want so much to build a strong loving family rich with tradition. ...it is my heart's wish. ..but I have to be patient and realize that I am not the only person involved in turning the wheels to make all of this "wonderfulness" happen. (tapping foot... tap tap tap) ..patience..
February 23rd
2014 - It is Sunday morning. I love Sunday mornings when they are lazy and I can dream about my life. Now with Jeff all things seem possible. I will have the opportunity to show my love to my family. I will have the opportunity to feel secure and loved so I can remove the fear from my heart. Thank you Jeff. I love you.
March 13
2014 - Well, Grandma went to "The Walmart" this morning and came home in a firetruck. I can already tell this is going to be Juan Hellava week.
March 15
2014 - Today I found out that YESTERDAY was a new holiday called "A Steak and a BJ Day". It is the male version of Valentines day. First of all... Whew! Missed it by that much. Secondly, men so don't get how lucky they are that we would put that in our mouth in the first place. The fact that we do it all through the year with or without a holiday is the real reason for Valentines day in the first place. Valentines day should really be called, "I love her because she gives good head Day and because of that I am the luckiest bastard in the world and will do anything for her without expecting anything in return DAY". So, as far as I am concerned, fuck Steak and BJ Day Men... you already got yours..... and from where I'm sitting, you got it good.
March 16
2014 - OK, Jeff and I went out to dinner with Taylor and Lala. He was late by about an hour because he was helping a friend negotiate a motorcycle purchase. I warned him that pregnant women get pretty mean when they are hungry. When we picked up Laurel and Taylor that was the case. Laurel didn't say anything but I know her look. :) We fed them and then went to their house to look at the new car seat and bedding for Vivie. Really nice evening overall. If measured in laughter I would say it was a phenomenal success. I love Jeff M. and he loves me. :)
March 17
2014 - Taylor fell off a cliff today. He survived, thank God but he was very annoying in the hospital.
March 18
2014 - Jeff knew I was upset so tonight he called me to see how I was. He asked me if I wanted him to come over. I started to object for his sake because it was so late when he interrupted me and said, "I am in the driveway." I was elated. I happened to be in the garage sitting in the car so I just opened the garage door and he got in the passenger seat and we talked and kissed. Finally I felt better and I invited him in for some tea. I love him. He is such a good guy to me. ,,,,,,, but, about what upset me. I am somewhat disillusioned by my union. I am considering resigning. No problem though because then I can have more time to kiss Jeff in the garage.
March 20
2014 - I am still upset by what is going on in my union. I am still seriously considering resigning or at the least changing the role I play in the union. I may just keep it local. This is a big deal because I really find it interesting and I enjoy helping my members. Unfortunately though there is still a union behind it all and I have though of Jimmy Hoffa and The Mob on more than one occasion these past few days.
June 10th
2013 - I am well. Finally. I love myself and I love my life. I feel like I found myself again and I am so thankful that I put in all the hard work to get it done. I am strong, creative and imaginative. I have survived the loss of an infant son and an incredibly difficult marriage. I raised three boys into men and I love who they have become. I am ready to continue living and if it happens, hopefully invite someone to join my life. I am free of the weight, fear and trauma that was inside my body. I am light and carefree again.
June 11th
2013 - Well, I don't know which thought to add so I will add them both. First, over the course of last week I ate 5 burritos and my friends have all deserted me. Second, forget it.. the first is enough.
June 12th
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